Updated: Dec 6, 2020
By Gabrielle Jordan
I can remember laying on the operating table in anticipation of my baby being delivered by c-section. I was in disbelief that this was happening, after all I had not even reached my third trimester. There were so many doctors and nurses in the room that I lost count. The only person that had my attention was the anesthesiologist in charge of my medications who was behind me and the empty chair next to me where my husband was supposed to be. They would not allow him inside the room until I was fully prepped.
Within a short time, my husband came in, sat down, and began stroking my hair and telling me everything was going to be ok. As much as I wanted to believe him, I felt my self “freaking out” on the inside. I felt like I was about to hyperventilate. I turned my head toward him and asked him to sing right before they placed the scalpel toward me to make that incision. He began singing “Do It Again.” He sung, “I’ve seen you move; you moved the mountain. And I believe, I’ll see you do it again. You made a way when there was no way. And I believe, I’ll see you do it again. Your promise still stands, great is Your faithfulness…” As those words came out of his mouth, I began to remember how God has never left me. He has always brought me out of whatever circumstance I may have found myself in.
After my son was delivered, I remember asking several times if he was ok. I asked at least three times before one of the doctors said they were taking him up to the NICU, and my husband went with them. Right after they left, one of my surgeons looked at me and said, “I’m so glad your husband sang because we were unable to play music for your delivery.” I felt myself begin to breathe very shallow as I was trying to hold back the tears. In that moment, I told the anesthesiologist to knock me out.
Fast forward eighteen months and many victories later along the way. I had never really read through my medical records from when I delivered my son so early, yet I am completely well versed in the many challenges and diagnoses my son had throughout his short life. For some reason, just a few weeks ago, I came across the medical notes from that day of delivery. I was totally oblivious as to how much danger I was really in. I was talking to my husband about it, and he said, yes you could have died. He said, “that’s why I didn’t hesitate when the doctor said Isaiah had to be delivered. In my mind, I said you were not going anywhere, and I knew Isaiah was going to be fine.” We chuckled about it, because to know my husband he can be a bit of a jokester at times. I just became thankful all over again about how God brought our family through such a horrific time.
I remember not accepting many things the doctors said about Isaiah. From telling us he was going to die, to telling us he would have brain damage, to the threat of retinopathy of prematurity and the potential for blindness, and the list could go on. However, we would always reject that diagnosis and instead spoke the Word of God over Isaiah. I found myself reminding God of His Word every day. Could this be why the plethora of diagnoses given did not become reality?
As I pondered on this, the greatest example was presented to me just the other day. My three-year-old son Caleb and I were running an errand. We were passing a field that is about a half a mile from our home. He said, “Mom, do you remember when we went there?” My answer of course was yes! Because he is full of energy, I have taken him to that field on several occasions just for a change of scenery and to run around and play. Caleb then said, “Do you remember we went there, and we had a picnic, and we played with airplanes, and I ran?” I began to smile, saying yes baby I remember. He spoke about it with such joy and excitement. Without his knowledge, I began to think about what we could do soon, that would even top that experience for him. For me, that day did not take a lot of thought or effort. I grabbed blankets and the food that I was going to feed him and his brother for lunch. I filled water bottles and loaded them in the stroller. We walked and spent about an hour in that field.
In my mind, that day was just like any other day. Spending time with my kids, making sure they have uninterrupted time of interaction with them. As I thought about this, I was led to Psalm 103:1-5 (KJV) which states: “Praise the Lord, O my soul; all in my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like eagles.” Could it be that forgiveness, healing, redemption, compassion, and giving us good things are extended to us by our Father daily? And yet, when reminded of what He has done, causes Him to move on our behalf in even greater ways than we could have imagined.
Remembrance plays such a vital role in our everyday lives, that I have the notion that we tend to forget the very power remembering can have in our lives. The bible tells us that as a man thinks, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). There have been countless times that I have reminded God of what He has done in my life, and it has such a positive impact on my thinking and my perspective. I can smile with joy even in the most difficult moments because I remember what God has done and it helps give me strength to get through my storm.
During these times of such uncertainty, we can choose to remember the miracles in our own lives. We can choose to remember those who have blessed us even when we did not deserve it. We can choose to remember God’s faithfulness in the good and the not so good times in our lives. I know for me, when I do these things, my perspective shifts and my outlook is firmly rooted in the person of Jesus Christ.